Tantra is a Hindu yoga term that defines the sexual merging of two lovers. You can improve your sex life by first establishing a higher level of intimacy between you and your partner. Tantric sex techniques are as much about the preparation for intercourse as they are about the act itself. There are several steps you can take before intercourse ever happens to increase intimacy and strengthen the bond you share with your partner.
Schedule an hour a week for you and your partner to share intimate time. Choose a quiet place to be alone, and make this scheduled time a priority. Show each other that the relationship and the desire to make it stronger are important to each of you.
Dim the lights for your intimate time. You can light candles and add seductive aromas to enhance the mood. You and your partner can also play erotic music as a background for your time together.
Sit cross-legged on the floor facing each other and let your hands rest on your knees, palms up. Look into each other’s eyes and concentrate on breathing slowly and deeply, matching your partner. Practice doing this until you can hold each other’s gaze for 10 minutes.
Explore each other physically with soft, gentle touches. You should both feel safe enough to gently guide the other’s hands to the parts of your body that you want caressed. Be open with your partner about what works for you to create intimacy, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want.
Marijuana and Sex: A Classic Combination
by Terry Necco cannabisculture.com
Marijuana and sex are gifts of nature. We enjoy them because biology and evolution have equipped us to do so. Just as our bodies contain pleasure systems which reward us for sex; our brains contain neurocellular circuitry which can only be activated by substances with THC’s molecular structure. This makes the marijuana high a unique constellation of feelings, and there are only two sources for the substances which activate THC’s very own neuroreceptor. Our brain is one source: it generates a neurochemical very similar to THC, called anandamide.
Translated, the word means bliss. The only other source for this bliss-producing substance is the cannabis plant.
Being stoned or sexually aroused both produce similar physiological responses, such as increased heart rate, heightened sensitivity, changes in blood flow and respiration, relaxation and an acutely altered state of consciousness. Neurochemistry, hormonal systems, and brain regions such as the temporal lobe are affected by both marijuana and sexual arousal.
Sex and pot provide us with euphoric peak experiences, unity of body and mind, a healing escape from routine existence. If other people are involved with us in sexual activity or marijuana use, such experiences can be especially intimate and revelatory, facilitating trusting, loving relationships.
Pot the aphrodisiac
Marijuana has been used as an aphrodisiac for thousands of years, yet ironically it has also been used to decrease sexual desire. Ancient sacred texts reveal how to use marijuana to increase sexual pleasure, but modern research teaches an equally important lesson: marijuana’s effects are determined by the personality, physiology, intention, environment, and culture of the user. Continue Reading →
What Buddhism Teaches About Sexual Morality
Most religions have rigid, elaborate rules about sexual conduct. Buddhists have the Third Precept – in Pali, Kamesu micchacara veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami – which is most commonly translated “Do not indulge in sexual misconduct.” However, for laypeople, the early scriptures are hazy about what constitutes “sexual misconduct.”
Monks and nuns, of course, follow the many rules of the Vinaya-pitaka section of the Pali Canon. For example, monks and nuns who engage in sexual intercourse are “defeated” and are expelled automatically from the order. If a monk makes sexually suggestive comments to a woman, the community of monks must meet and address the transgression. A monk should avoid even the appearance of impropriety by being alone with a woman. Nuns may not allow men to touch, rub or fondle them anywhere between the collar-bone and the knees.
Clerics of most schools of Buddhism in Asia continue to follow the Vinaya-pitaka, with the exception of Japan.
Shinran Shonin (1173-1262), founder of the Jodo Shinshu school of Japanese Pure Land, married, and he authorized Jodo Shinshu priests to marry. In the centuries that followed, the marriage of Japanese Buddhist monks may not have been the rule, but it was a not-infrequent exception.
In 1872, the Meiji government decreed that Buddhist monks and priests (but not nuns) should be free to marry if they chose to do so. Soon “temple families” became commonplace (they had existed before the decree, actually, but people pretended not to notice) and the administration of temples and monasteries often became family businesses, handed down from fathers to sons. In Japan today — and in schools of Buddhism imported to the West from Japan — the issue of monastic celibacy is decided differently from sect to sect and from monk to monk.
The Challenge for Lay Buddhists
Let’s go back to lay Buddhists and the vague precaution about “sexual misconduct.” People mostly take cues about what constitutes “misconduct” from their culture, and we see this in much of Asian Buddhism. However, Buddhism began to spread in western nations just as many of the old cultural rules were disappearing. So what’s “sexual misconduct”?
I hope we can all agree, without further discussion, that non-consensual or exploitative sex is “misconduct.” Beyond that, it seems to me that Buddhism challenges us to think about sexual ethics very differently from the way most of us have been taught to think about them.
A Tantric orgasm is a full body energy experience. G-spot stimulation is one way to access Tantric orgasms. The G-spot (Grafenberg spot) is a small, lima bean-shaped area on the upper side of the vaginal wall (tummy side), approximately 2-3 inches in. This spot feels different in texture than the rest of the vagina. It is spongy and coarser in texture than the rest of the vagina, which is normally how it is found. When the G-spot is stimulated, usually through hard pushing or constant rubbing, it causes intense orgasmic feelings that most women say exceeds a normal orgasmic response.
To stimulate the G-spot, pressure has to be applied on the upper wall of the vagina, AND the woman has to be extremely aroused. Blood rushes to the G-spot just as it does to the clitoris during sexual excitement. Therefore, any sexual position which maximizes pressure to this area increases the chance for a G-spot orgasm. The following 4 positions greatly increase the likelihood that a woman will experience a G-spot orgasm.
(1) Rear Entry. The Rear Entry position, when done correctly, maximizes potential for a G-spot orgasm because the man’s penis should rub on the upper wall of the woman’s vagina. To do this position correctly, the woman should kneel on all fours, her legs parted slightly. The woman should resist the urge to put her face down onto the bed, and instead try to keep her back arched slightly, with her elbows bent or her elbows up and locked. The entry angle changes dramatically when the woman leans forward into the bed. As the man enters her from behind, the sensation should be one of tight and full penetration. The woman may feel his penis hitting her cervix as this is often a good position to get full penetration. The man can change his penetration to hit the G-spot by pulling up on her hips and thrusting in a more downward motion.
(2) The Fusion. The Fusion position is a favorite in Kama Sutra. To get into this position, the man should sit on the bed or floor and extend his legs in front of him, and his arms behind him. The woman should then lower herself down onto his penis. Her legs should be up by his chest and bent, and her arms should be behind her and between his legs. She then uses a combination of her arms and her legs to “rock” herself on his penis in and in and out motion, sort of like a piston. This position may seem unlikely to produce a G-spot orgasm, but the angle and the seductive nature of the position make it highly erotic. The only bad drawback of this position is if you have bad knees, you will not be able to sustain it for long.
(3) The Flower Press. The Flower Press position is excellent for the G-spot orgasm, multiple orgasms, heavier male partners, heavier female partners, and pregnant women (earlier months). The woman lies on her back and allows the man to penetrate her, as in missionary position, but after penetration has been achieved, she then raises her legs up and back, until they are either on his shoulders or on his chest. The man kneels up against her and uses her thighs for support, and she can grab onto his hips to help bring him into her. This position allows for extreme penetration and his pelvic arch is against her clitoral area. It also provides a nice rubbing against the top of the vaginal wall because of the height of the man compared to the woman, which is what stimulates the G-spot.
(4) Rotated Woman. The Rotated Woman position is a favorite with both men and women alike because it offers excellent stimulation. To do it, the man lies flat on the bed and the woman lowers herself onto his penis facing BACKWARD toward his feet. Then, SLOWLY and CAREFULLY, she leans forward, until she is lying on top of him, her legs outstretched and her hands down by his feet. Then, she can slowly do a “figure 8” motion with her hips or just grab his ankles and slide herself up and down. Because she is lying down at this angle, her vagina is pulled taut, causing the penis to rub it tightly, hence the G-spot pressure. She also gets gentle clitoral rubbing by his testicles and legs, which is a pleasant and gentle surprise. The woman is completely in control here and can set the pace and the depth of the motion.
Tantric sex is meant both to enhance the physical sensations and to transform them into a vehicle for blissful insight. Women feel the orgasm from the G-spot or vaginal stimulation deeper inside their body, rather than as the localized feeling they have with clitoral stimulation. The whole-body orgasm is one of the Tantric methods for reaching a state of ecstasy.
What Is Shamanic Tantra?
Like traditional tantra, shamanic tantra is a path to enlightenment through the body, a spiritual practice that teaches us to be in the now and to open ourselves up to more bliss, joy, and connection to spirit by connecting our sexuality and our spirituality. Drawing from Wiccan, Druidic, and Shamanic roots, Shamanic tantra differs from traditional tantra in working extremely intuitively and in its strong connection to the earth. I have created the six gateways to sacred sexuality as an attempt to structure the work of shamanic tantra for teaching, but by its nature, shamanic tantra is fluid and guided through each person’s connection to the divine, and their sense of what is right for them.
What are the Six Gateways to Sacred Sexuality?
The journey to enlightenment can take many roads. The six gateways are a path that happens to be working for myself and my healing partner, Steven Jay. Together we have intuitively created this road map for discovering the bliss that is created when we connect spirituality to sexuality. This is a practice that can be used alone or with a partner. These steps are not necessarily practiced in order. In fact, they seem to interweave and spiral with each other, spirals being a geometric pattern often used to describe earth-centered spirituality, where linear motion from point a to point b is rare.
The First Gateway: Connecting to Spirit
This is where we begin in shamanic tantra, in a belief that something greater than us is willing and able to connect with us and bring us healing. This is also where we end in shamanic tantra, so that the six gateways become a spiraling circle of practice, rather than a linear journey. Through our connection to spirit, we learn to connect not only to the divine, but to ourselves, and to see that we too are divine beings. We do this mostly through meditation, visualization, and trance journey, familiarizing ourselves with the feeling of spirit moving within us before moving forward.
The Second Gateway: Breathing Love
In both traditional and shamanic tantra, love is the key to everything. Opening our hearts and keeping them open is a foundational practice. Understand that this is different from being “in love” in the romantic sense. An open heart applies to everyone you meet in the world, and is the most profound state of joy and bliss imaginable when attained. The most powerful tool I have discovered for opening the heart and then keeping it open, is the breath. Daily practice of various breath techniques, as well as simply remembering to breathe through a painful or difficult emotion, is the first step to opening ourselves to bliss and joy. In consort practice, we learn to breathe together, synchronizing breath in an attempt to synchronize our energies.
The Third Gateway: Soul Gazing
Soul gazing is the process of looking deeply within and connecting, first with ourselves, and then with a partner. This practice is most easily begun alone, through insight meditation and then through mirror gazing. Once you are comfortable with these solo practices, then it is easier to move into gazing into the eyes of a partner to connect and allow them to see the divine essence within you.
The Fourth Gateway: Channeling the Dragon
The sexual life force energy that flows through the body has many names, but my favorite comes from the gaelic: ”nwyvre”, which means “dragon fire”. In shamanic tantra we learn to channel this fire and to move it throughout our bodies to create a state of intense aliveness. Part of this work specifically focuses on balancing and clearing blockages in the energy centers of the body, also called chakras in traditional tantra, which brings a greater openness to moving ecstatic energies through the body, as well as increased health and vitality.
The Fifth Gateway: The 16 Elements of Ecstasy
Astrologers believe that all of us are imprinted with clusters of elemental energies at the time of our birth. The 16 elements of ecstasy are the elements of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water broken down into their light and dark, masculine and feminine components. We can commune with these elements that are both within us and all around us in nature through touch, movement, trance journey, visualization, and ceremony. The free flow of energy through the body and the creation of a feeling of connectedness to all that is depends on both elements and chakras being in harmony. Balancing and connecting to these energies allows us to lead more balanced and connected lives. The elements and the dragon energies are intertwined in the practice, and often a moving back and forth between the two is required for deep healing of emotional, mental, sexual, and spiritual blocks.
The Sixth Gateway: Divine Union
In solo work, divine union describes a marriage of the masculine and feminine energies within the self, balancing our tendencies to be active, for instance, with our ability to receive, so that our inner masculine and feminine energies work together in harmony. Divine union also explores our connection with the natural world, with the life force energy in the spirits of the plants, the rocks, and the animals. In consort practice, divine union becomes the place where we merge completely with the god or goddess in our partner so that we no longer have the need for boundaries between us. This merging can only come after a sense of safety has been created through work with the previous five steps, where we learn to be strongly centered and balanced within our own energetic and emotional fields. The practice of divine union is the ultimate goal of shamanic tantra, to merge our life force energy with all that is, through the experience of the body.
Returning to the First Gateway: Re-connecting to Spirit
Once we have gone deeply into union with another or with ourselves, we cycle back to our connection with spirit, to the safety and protection of being grounded in the earth and open to the sky. We let go of any need to cling to another person to experience the bliss of this union. The beauty of this path is that once our bodies have experienced the bliss of the deeply connected divine union with another, we can return to that again and again through our connection with spirit. Because there is no scarcity of love in the universe, we can draw on this whenever we want, only now we are not drawing from another person, we are drawing from source.
Practicing With or Without a Partner
Many of our clients complain that they have no partner to practice with, or that their partner is not interested in practicing tantra. It is perfectly acceptable to practice tantra alone. In fact, traditional tantra was first taught solo, to allow the student to master the complex spiritual practices of breathwork, energy movement, and meditation before coming into union with a partner.
In shamanic tantra, we work to bridge our beginning point into the heart of sacred sexuality. For those who are more spiritually inclined, solo practice is often the place to begin exploring, because it is what is most comfortable. If you are practicing solo, I encourage you to try self pleasuring with the exercises once you are comfortable with the practices, BEFORE you move into practicing with a consort. For women, I often encourage they use some sort of sex toy for self pleasuring, so that it is an effortless practice, and they can concentrate on the breathing and balancing practices they have already learned.
If you are coming into shamanic tantra from a place of wanting to enhance your sexuality, then consort practice is a great place to begin, and slowly begin to bring the practices into your lovemaking. Like any other new endeavor, it is best to begin slowly, with the more simple exercises, and then progress into more complex work. If you are extremely sexual and do not have a partner, then begin by slowly introducing the gateway practices into your masturbation. Especially if you are using a lot of fantasy to become aroused, a large part of the work will be to learn to be fully present in self-pleasure. This can be difficult for some, and the ability to climax in your traditional way may elude you. This is natural in light of the fact that you are rewiring your pleasure centers. Learning to drop into and allow each touch to be arousing and to let go of the goal of orgasm leads eventually to a place where sexual arousal becomes larger and richer, and orgasms begin to take on an intensity and duration previously unknown.
Picture: Norval Morrisseau
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